Cry
by Samantha Riddle
Summary: Draco thinks about the mysterious girl that is his dead wife. DracoBlaise


Cry

I remember the first time I saw her. It was our very first day at Hogwarts… back then we were nothing but ignorant first years. Nervous and jittery, we stood in a line before the entire Great Hall, ready to be sorted into the houses that would shape our lives for the next seven years. Naturally I was sorted into Slytherin, and I rather dully and unenthusiastically watched as the rest of my year were sorted. 

When the hat called her name, she walked to the stool determinedly, and confidently. No one else in the hall was paying any attention as she was the last person to go, and everyone was hungrily awaiting food while chatting incessantly. She sat down on the stool and when McGonagall dropped the old hat on her head, she adjusted it so she could still see around her, while the hat made it's decision. 

Later on she told me that the hat nearly begged her to go to Ravenclaw. The hat told her that it was there that she would thrive. Stubbornly she insisted that it send her to Slytherin. Moments after she and the hat began their conversation, she won and the hat shouted Slytherin. Just as confidently as she had gone to the hat, she strode to the Slytherin table and sat down at the very end. She was a girl with plans, and had her mind already made up with what she wanted to do. Even I, at the tender age of eleven, could figure this out. 

For most of our first year, she stayed away from most everyone else in our house. Quiet, intelligent dignified and anti-social, she didn't seem to want anything to do with us. At first we ignored her just like she ignored us. We had other things to worry about, like getting to classes, and making sure that we would be coming back in second year. We never teased her… she wasn't like Potter and his nitwit friends. In fact, most of the house really didn't notice she existed until the end of the year, when a very bored Pansy decided to have a go at her.

I'll never forget that day. 

It was the first day that I realized that there was something very extraordinary about Blaise Zabini. 

Pansy's rude remark about Blaise's almost dead dark red hair, had apparently hit a nerve with the sly and cunning young Slytherin. Without missing a beat, Blaise sarcastically commented that Pansy looked like a pug. Somehow, although Blaise never said a word to anyone else, that became a very popular comment when it came to Pansy. Millicent told me that Blaise and Pansy had another altercation later on that day. I don't know what happened, but Pansy never teased Blaise again. Whenever I asked about it, Blaise would smile slyly, and Pansy would go a brilliant shade of red.

I was stupid. I didn't learn from what happened to Pansy. In our second year, I decided I wanted to have a go at Blaise myself. Those icy eyes had given me a very intimidating glare. It would have probably caused Weasley to wet himself. But I thought that since I was a Malfoy, some stupid girl wouldn't do a thing to me. She warned me, in that oddly quiet voice of hers, that I was to shut up or I'd face the consequences. I didn't listen. Being threatened by some quiet bookworm wasn't good for my ego. 

She took my rude comments until the middle of the year, when finally she snapped. Luckily, she didn't do anything in front of any of the Slytherin's (or any other houses for that matter). She waited until I was alone in the common room and then stared at me long and hard. That icy stare is something to be wary of. Those pale blue eyes are mesmerizing. With my attention at her will, she could do whatever she wanted.

A Gryffindor would have cursed me into next week. A Ravenclaw would have called me something particularly nasty and walked off. A Hufflepuff would have told on me. A Slytherin would have had their larger friends beat me into a pulp. That night I realized that Blaise was none of these. She walked right up to me, looked me in the eyes and asked me when was the last time my mother had told me she loved me. 

I was appalled.

And moved. No one had never tried to care about me before. Ever. I hide my surprise and met her statement with anger. She smiled her odd smile, and told me that she had me figured out. I glared at her, and told her she knew nothing of me. Shaking her head, she started to walk away and I couldn't have been more confused. She didn't try to do anything to me, she just wanted me to know that she had me figured out. I tried to find out what exactly was going on in her head. Grabbing her arm, she spun back around and slapped me. Her pale eyes flared. I had never been more afraid in my life.

Never again did any Slytherin tease her. I made sure of that. For some reason, she scared me, and I didn't know why. The other houses didn't really know she existed. Although very smart, (probably matching Granger's intellect) she didn't let it show during classes. I knew the truth though… all the Slytherin's did. By the middle of our third year we knew that if we ever needed a spell done, a homework assignment completed, or a tutoring session, we were to go to Blaise. I probably would not have passed Transfiguration that year if it hadn't been for her. 

It was third year I learned the most about her. We talked sometimes in the common room. I liked to stay up late, and she was always in front of the fire at midnight. Sometimes I believed she didn't sleep, like some kind of creature of the night. It didn't matter, I enjoyed her company. She was witty, and smart. She saw right through my arrogant cover, and didn't tolerate my behavior. It irritated me, but I popped my head during those hours that we talked just so we _could_ talk.

Her parents were Unspeakables in the Department of Mysteries. They worked very long hours at the office, and were hardly around to give her the time of day. She had grown up with an endless amount of nannies and babysitters. An only and forgotten child, she had spent her days in libraries. She absorbed much of the books she read and therefore became very intelligent. By the time she was ten, her nannies began to ignore her just like her own parents. The only person on the planet that seemed to understand her, was the one who had come to visit her every year at Christmas since she was five. Her Uncle Sebastian. 

Oh how she loved her Uncle Sebastian. Her eyes actually seemed warm when she would tell me about him. He was a wise man… an adventurous one. He traveled the world, she said. He had never married, and never had any children, mostly because he was more keen on being reckless and dangerous. She had admired him so. And of course, Sebastian had never ignored her. He loved her like his own, and together they had dreamed for a day to come when Blaise could go with him on one of his adventures. 

And then she went to Hogwarts. She told me that she would have much rather go off with her Uncle. He had tried, she told me once, to get her parents to agree to let her go with him. For some reason, they had always said no. She smiled sadly then, and told me that her parents were determined to make her life miserable. Right after she said that, she shook her head as if it were all a bunch of silly thoughts and began talking about Snape. 

It wasn't until fourth year did she start to question me. She wanted to know about my family, and about my dreams and wishes. I was reluctant, but after her persuasive smile reminded me that she had poured her heart out the year before, I couldn't help but give in and tell her about my parents. I, just like her, was an ignored child due to very neglecting parents. 

My parents had only had me because the Malfoy family had needed an heir. Nothing more. My father didn't love me… not in the sense he should have. Our quality time was spent with him teaching me how to be a Malfoy and what was important in life. I yearned for his pride in me, and therefore I did everything he asked, and believed in all the things he did, without a second thought. Never once did I think on my own. Of course, I didn't say that, or even believe that then. But I know it now.

My mother… was vain. Horribly vain, and very much spoiled by my father. She was beautiful, like a flower in the garden. Wrapped up in politics, fancy parties, and my father, she had little time for me. But I was very protective of her. She was my mother, and it had been her that spoiled me rotten while I was a child. My dear mother… I did care about her more then I cared about myself. Again, most of these feelings I didn't know until Blaise showed me in sixth year.

In our fifth year, Blaise became distant. Although the world was a confusing place, with rumors of Voldemort being back and all, Blaise was calm and collected. She didn't talk about Voldemort often, but when she did there was a bit of a un-afraid, unconcerned tone to it. Mostly she disappeared behind books, ignore us as she had in our first year. We just believed it was because of the O.W.L.'s and that doing well was a high priority to her. We didn't know what was really going on… and oh how I wish now that I did know. Maybe I could have saved her. 

As for me during fifth year….I knew he was back, and I knew my father was working for him. I knew my mother was as well. I knew they expected me to join. I knew that I was a Malfoy, and I would do what I had to. I was ready. This was my moment to prove to both my parents that I was the perfect son and heir. I filled at pride at the very thought of getting my Dark Mark and proving myself to everyone. It made me fill with joy. Most of the other Slytherin's were impressed with my decision to become a Death Eater.

Everyone but the one person that should have really mattered.

Why I had wanted Blaise's approval I didn't know. All I knew is that I wanted it. I had reached my entire decision a few days before the end of the year… after that idiot boy Potter had gotten my father thrown in Azkaban. This was my time to come out into the open and do what my father had. He would not have gone to jail in vain. I decided to tell her that night in the common room. 

Excitedly I blurted it out before I could even think about what her reaction might be. Whatever I was expecting it certainly was not what she gave me. Her eyes widened with shock, and horror. I had never seen her give me that look before. Taken aback, I let her stand up and glare at me, yell at me for not having any mind of my own, and being so ignorant. Before I could even reply, she had stormed off, and I didn't see her for the final few days of the year. I tried to ignore it, but somehow it upset me that I never even got to say goodbye to her. 

The summer came, and with it, my Dark Mark. I was initiated into the Death Eaters. I took the place my father was supposed to stand with dignity and honor. I was prepared and ready for whatever would lay ahead. This was where I belonged. Of course I was terrified deep down inside. I wasn't completely stupid. I knew that I could be killed or worse… but I had to do it. Or I could kiss that Malfoy inheritance goodbye. 

It was then that I had suddenly realized there was something wrong with me. I had pushed all these thoughts of pride into my head, and then suddenly I admitted to myself that I was doing it to keep the inheritance. Why exactly had I done what I did? Why had I gone through the excruciating pain of receiving the Dark Mark, really? I wasn't sure, and I tried to ignore my uncertainty. It didn't matter now anyway… what was done was done. 

So sixth year began. I was different. I was colder, more bitter, angrier, and full of angst. I didn't know why, and that made me even angrier. I was liable to curse even Slytherin's and the feud between me and Potter grew at an increasing rate. I did small things for the Dark Lord, like snoop around school for information about the Order. He didn't think I was ready enough to do anything else. Out of pure lust, me and Pansy began to go out. It was all sexual. I didn't love her. I hated her even. I just wanted to taste her. I needed to taste her. I needed the sex. 

Not only did I get addicted to sex, but I got addicted to alcohol. Sneaking away to get fire whiskey was normal for me and my other Slytherin friend's in sixth year. Another normal thing to do, was to get drunk at the Hogs Head and end up doing some girl. I don't remember most of them. I do remember how angry Pansy always was. She said that she as mine, and that no other slut would get into my pants. She cursed a lot of the other girls that I had sex with. She never once cursed me. I still don't know why. 

I think I forgot about Blaise for most of the year. I don't know if I didn't care, or I didn't want to care, or maybe I was just too drunk to notice what was happening. Millicent noticed, and so did Nott. They were the only other two who usually ever talked to her. One day around mid-year Millicent asked me if I had talked to Blaise in awhile. I answered no, and she looked troubled. 

She told me that Blaise was going out with some seventh year and had been very miserable lately. She had stopped coming to meals, and had buried herself in books more so then usual. Millicent also told me the was seriously unnerved about the knife she found in Blaise's bedside table one day. I told her she was acting like a Gryffindor and get over it. I had no idea that by doing that I was setting up the next few horrific years of Blaise's life. 

Seventh year came and went much like sixth year… Just with more sex and booze. Pansy began to get frustrated with my consistent need to fuck every girl at Hogwarts. She cursed any girl who even looked at me, and got more detentions then even the Weasley twins for it… if that's possible. I really don't remember much of seventh year… not until the end. That was when I saw one of the most life-changing events in my life. 

I was walking down the hallway, doing god knows what, and going god knows where when I heard Blaise. She was crying, and pleading at the same time. She sounded horrified and scared. I had never heard Blaise scared- ever. Curiously grabbed me because of this and I followed her voice into a classroom. Her seventh year boyfriend from the year before, (I found out later he had flunked his final year and was back again) was attempting to rape her. 

It was like the past two years of my life vanished. I remembered Blaise the way she had been during our third and fourth years. I remembered she enchanting smile, and mesmerizing eyes. For the first time in two years I saw her. I saw what a mess she was. Her hair was more dead then ever, her body thin and pale, her eyes hollow and distant. She couldn't defend herself against him. He'd get what he'd want if I didn't stop what was happening. 

I still won't admit it was act of bravery. I grabbed the guy from behind and threw him into the wall. I knocked him unconscious and then hexed him until I was positive he wouldn't move for weeks. I made sure that he wouldn't have sex for another year. I don't know what happened to him afterwards, all I know is he never went near Blaise again. 

And we stood there, with the boyfriend on the floor between us. Tears streamed silently down her face as she stared at me. I felt a chill in the air. And then suddenly, we embraced. I held her against me and let her cry her heart out. I sank to the floor in each other's arms and I made her tell me what was going on. She opened up to me like she had never opened up to anyone before.

Her Uncle had been killed in fifth year. Her parents had disowned her. They hadn't wanted a Slytherin daughter. She had begged for Slytherin to annoy them, and her Uncle had kept her parents from doing just what they did once he was dead and gone… and dead because of Lord Voldemort. Blaise had fallen for that stupid oaf of a boyfriend. He had abused her… and this was not the first time he had tried to rape her. In fact, the first time he had succeeded. She had tried suicide so many times… and every time it never worked. She cut. She stopped eating. Nothing worked.

She told me she felt trapped in this world, like some sort of horrible punishment. She wanted to die, and she would do anything to achieve that. 

I didn't want to let her. I wanted to love her in a way I never loved anyone before. She was Blaise… and for the first time ever I realized why I had felt so odd around her. I loved her. I would not let her hurt herself any longer. I couldn't. I would cherish her and tell her that I would care for her every day. I would do anything to protect her. 

And I did. 

Although I had to remain a Death Eater, I worked hard on the sidelines to help bring her back. I sought far and wide for the best doctors to heal her. I dumped Pansy, stopped drinking, and refused to have sex. I even though about asking Dumbledore for a spying position. I knew how much Blaise hated Lord Voldemort. 

Something grew out of our relationship. I loved her more then anything in the world. And she loved me too. I knew it. I kept her alive… I made sure she kept moving everyday. I thought I was in the happy ending of a fairy tale. I had everything I wanted in her. 

Not long after we left Hogwarts, my mother died, and my father (still in Azkaban) let go of the rights to the Malfoy estate to me. I took over our Manor and all our fortune. Blaise and I lived in the house together, and soon after we took our relationship to the next level. It became seriously sexual. Within months she was pregnant with twins. I was ecstatic and planned on marrying her. 

Lord Voldemort had other plans.

He's missions for me had become increasingly serious. He wanted me to murder, torture and destroy. Blaise had finally gotten it through my skull about how I really felt about my parents, about Lord Voldemort, and about the situation I was in. I knew I had to get out. I went to Dumbledore. Becoming a spy wasn't easy. I tried to be home with Blaise as often as I could. I didn't want to leave her like her parents had because of their jobs. 

I worked so hard to help the Order bring about Voldemort's downfall. I wanted him gone so I could live my happy life with my fiancé and my children. Things were going so well, that I never imagined that anything could take such a dramatic turn for the worse just two months before Blaise was supposed to give birth. 

She got sick. Very sick. The doctors told me it led back to when she had been raped by the git when we were in school. They told me that the rape caused a child which was aborted because of problems with the egg. The abortion seriously damaged Blaise, and therefore they told me that it was a slim chance that Blaise and my twins would survive. 

I snapped. I went on a terrifying murder spree. I don't remember much of it. I do know that Blaise's parents, my father, and several Order members were all dead by the end. Dumbledore stopped me in the end, demanding to know what was wrong with me. When I told him, the man had sympathy. Of course, I had committed murder… that was hard to redeem. Even though her parents and my father was not a loss to anyone… the Order Members were. 

Dumbledore managed to get me off under a plea of mental instability. He wasn't wrong. I gave large sums of money to the families, and then I went under house arrest so I could be with Blaise. I made sure she didn't know about what I had done. It would have killed her to know how I had gone over the edge like that. She knew about her condition, and together we hoped that we'd make it through. I wanted her to survive, and she wanted the babies to survive.

In the end, Blaise won…just like she always did.

Blaise died March 21st, three hours after our twins were born. One is a boy, with pale eyes like his mothers and blonde hair like mine. The other is a girl, with Blaise's hair and my eyes. Both are living reminders of their mother. Their birth marks the first day of spring… the first day of the season that brings birth and beauty. I love them dearly, although it hurts to look at them and not be reminded of my dear beloved Blaise. 

Voldemort was defeated by Harry Potter and his friends six months after my children were born. Life became pleasant, though wizarding community thought I was insane. I refused to get a nanny to take care of my twins, instead I take care of them. They love me as much as I love them… and a new type of Malfoy family has been born. 

And yet, as I think back to the day I first laid eyes on their beautiful mother, I know the truth.

Blaise taught me how to live.

She taught me how to love.

And she taught me how to cry.


End file.
